September 6, 2011

Prompt: At least no one saw me.

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Of all the bonehead things I could have done, of all the stupid things I have done, I figured this one was the number one, best of show - the blooper to end all bloopers, and could have been its own television show. Most of the time no one was around to see me make a fool of myself, like when I pressure washed my toe while cleaning my husband's garage floor. Three stitches it took just to close the wound, lost the entire summer to an infection, and the blood stains are still on the floor, next to the oil deposits and other gunk. I wanted to clean the floor so he'd close off half to make me a shop, nothing too fancy, a sink, a drying stand and a long mirror so clients could see themselves. I'd passed the cosmetology one class, and was waiting for my certificate. Nancy's nails, that's what I was going to call it...and I could learn the acrylics. "Larry," I called, "help me, I need to see if this style fits." He'd been my model throughout school, good-natured, so he didn't care that I was pasting fake nails onto his thumbs, and coloring them several shades. He came. I put the nails on his fat thumb, had to use the largest size, but I didn't figure there would be too many ladies with splayed fingers. I globbed the glue, too much it appeared, because I couldn't move the plastic at all, I trimmed it down, shaped it, asked him what color he would like until it grew out. "Give me the gd wrench, I'll fix it." So, now we're sitting at the hospital, his thumb bandaged where he slammed it with a hammer. He's gonna tell them he was making me a new shelf. He's not going to tell them about the fake nails and my cosmetology degree. I wouldn't either.
--Mary Pauer, RBWG member

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At least no one saw me. That stint at St. Anthony de Padua Elementary School was a comprehensive education in stealth technology. The down side is that there is no external pressure to atone. No one knows. No one is nagging me. Jimminy Cricket is only a cartoon character. My own conscience is much more tractable and as a result the unrepented infractions have been piling up like credit card debt. I suspect I'll expire with a huge balance. I'm looking for the downside.
--Tom Hoyer, RBWG member

* * *

Naughty Nights

I creep up the back stairs so discretely,
With a finger to your lips you greet me.
Almost on cue the rain pelts down
On the skylights with a drumming sound,
The perfect cover for our passionate tryst.
But I should mention this one little twist:
I slip out, and nobody sees me it seems
For these misadventures happen only in dreams!
-- Jim Van Loozen, RBWG Member

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September 6, 2011 Prompt: At least no one saw me. * * * Of all the bonehead things I could have done, of all the stupid things I have done, I figured this one was the number one, best of show - the blooper to end all bloopers, and could have been its own television show. Most of the time no one was around to see me make a fool of myself, like when I pressure washed my toe while cleaning my husband's garage floor. Three stitches it took just to close the wound, lost the entire summer to an infection, and the blood stains are still on the floor, next to the oil deposits and other gunk. I wanted to clean the floor so he'd close off half to make me a shop, nothing too fancy, a sink, a drying stand and a long mirror so clients could see themselves. I'd passed the cosmetology one class, and was waiting for my certificate. Nancy's nails, that's what I was going to call it...and I could learn the acrylics. "Larry," I called, "help me, I need to see if this style fits." He'd been my model throughout school, good-natured, so he didn't care that I was pasting fake nails onto his thumbs, and coloring them several shades. He came. I put the nails on his fat thumb, had to use the largest size, but I didn't figure there would be too many ladies with splayed fingers. I globbed the glue, too much it appeared, because I couldn't move the plastic at all, I trimmed it down, shaped it, asked him what color he would like until it grew out. "Give me the gd wrench, I'll fix it." So, now we're sitting at the hospital, his thumb bandaged where he slammed it with a hammer. He's gonna tell them he was making me a new shelf. He's not going to tell them about the fake nails and my cosmetology degree. I wouldn't either. --Mary Pauer, RBWG member * * * At least no one saw me. That stint at St. Anthony de Padua Elementary School was a comprehensive education in stealth technology. The down side is that there is no external pressure to atone. No one knows. No one is nagging me. Jimminy Cricket is only a cartoon character. My own conscience is much more tractable and as a result the unrepented infractions have been piling up like credit card debt. I suspect I'll expire with a huge balance. I'm looking for the downside. --Tom Hoyer, RBWG member * * * Naughty Nights I creep up the back stairs so discretely, With a finger to your lips you greet me. Almost on cue the rain pelts down On the skylights with a drumming sound, The perfect cover for our passionate tryst. But I should mention this one little twist: I slip out, and nobody sees me it seems For these misadventures happen only in dreams! -- Jim Van Loozen, RBWG Member * * *
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